I’m sad because you’re not here

I don’t like forcing myself to become close with people just so that I’ll have more friends. If someone doesn’t like me or care about me I’ll just ignore them. I mean, after I’m done with high school it wouldn’t matter anyways. And I won’t be living here.

I’m the oldest out of 4 kids and I think it’s tough being the oldest. It’s tough because you get to experience all of the hardships first. High school, work, and then college. I mean, there are some privileges like getting to drive, watch rated R movies, and smoking/drinking, but you don’t have anyone there to help you make decisions. And you’re kind of a role model or a figure that your siblings are suppose to look up to and your decisions can make a huge impact in their lives.

I have a younger sister who is only one year apart from me. If you were to compare me to her, you’ll probably think she’s more fun and out-going. I guess in a way this is true. I don’t drink, smoke, or have ever had sex, but she’s done it all. I’ve told her specifically before that I didn’t want her to do any of that because I know it isn’t good for her. I don’t want her to hangout with the wrong crowd or to get addicted to doing any of that. That’s my way of protecting her.

Even though I’ve already told her countless times before to not get herself involved, she doesn’t listened. It really hurts me that she doesn’t and that she has lied numerous times about not doing weed, but I’ve found evidence that she did. No one else in my family knows about this, but me and it hurts me a lot knowing that she has became this way.

I don’t know anymore.